Another blog about my brother

I know that ever since I have started writing my blog, that i have written numerous things about my brother Michael who passed away on December 1st of last year.  I guess that this is part of my way of dealing with things.  Its just still very hard each day to wake up and not see his facebook status, get a txt message from him or even a phone call.  There are many days that I just burst in to tears cause I miss him so much.  He looked up to me for so many years and I also looked up to him.  He taught me how to treat people better, by not holding grudges.   He was there for me during some of the toughest parts of my life.  I was also there for him to listen and talk to during his tough times in college.  We led similar lives.  We both loved baseball, and both gave it up after our freshmen year in high school, yet for different reasons.  We both loved college football, because that was a bond we had with our father.  We grew up watching the Gators on Saturdays....yet we both didn't attend UF, but still always cheered for them except for when they played our team.  I still remember him calling me and me calling him during the Gators 2006 football championship and the 2006 and 2007 basketball championship.  I remember us screaming with joy and saying how we wished we were there together with Dad watching the game.  We both loved golf and grew up going to the Masters together...oh the stories we could tell....We both grew up as Christians, yet strayed away in college and then found our way back our senior year.  We both had a passion for missions, and helping others.  We both had a passion for youth ministry.   For me it is my profession, for him it was a volunteer calling, that he wanted to turn into something bigger by building a camp.
A couple weeks ago when I spoke at River of Life, that was a place where we both found a calling from God.  It was tough to speak, yet alone talk about him and show a side of me that really only my wife, mom, and Walt see or hear.
Being a Youth Pastor and being in the public eye has been really tough since December.  It's so hard when I miss my brother so much to really open up.
It's hard when you lose a brother, let alone one of your best friends.